I’ve been thinking… it isn’t good. I’ve been thinking of starting a club for those people who turn into their own lane at least 85% of the time.

And petitioning to have those other people’s licenses suspended pending driving instruction.

Because I’m perfect and never mess up.

I’m never lazy and short-cut anything.

And I dislike people generally… as a whole.

I’m a people.

I’m not a people person.
There are people I am people-able with, and there are those I have no time for. My kids’ teachers, dry drunks I see every day, the lady at the bank, a lot of my own family members, most of the people on my Facebook. My dog.

I have to be careful with this thinking. Having it be acceptable to take another persons inventory. Thinking I know exactly what they are doing and what they are thinking. Believing I know and employ a better option all the time.
I have a tendency to place expectations on everyone. High ones. Big ones that are typically far-fetched. They usually start out as practical, achievable, and even characteristic outcomes for each person. Then I start thinking they can do better. I’ll even throw in a few words here and there about my own experience with pushing myself to do better. Raising the bar. And mostly not patting myself on the back. About how I don’t deserve the life I have today. As if that statement alone is going to convince someone to be humble and strive for better and do more.

I caught myself doing a minimal service for my club this morning, one I never allow anyone to find out about,  this time hoping that someone would see me and feel bad that they didn’t do it first. Like… like I could guilt them into helping others. Like I have that much power. Like anyone really gives a shit.  Man am I a control freak. So I prayed.  I sat and took a moment and prayed for guidance, and tolerance.

It occurred then that if they aren’t already doing something, chances are they won’t think much of it no matter what I do.
What else is a realistic prayer? Please make so-and-so get off their ass and do something for someone else…? No. I’ve found a lot lacking in futile requests from my HP. I can only pray that I be granted understanding, that I be guided to help someone should they want it, and my words and actions have nothing to do with my will.

Because I will punch a face.

I will try to make people feel like shit.

I put a sign above our coffee pot at our club yesterday.
People keep drinking all the coffee and leaving the pot going and it burns them up. It makes me mad and I want people to act right and do as I say. So I made a shitty little sarcastic sign saying:

“Way to Be of Service #134:
If the coffee is gone, MAKE MORE.”

Stupid.
The only real difference that I KNOW can be made and I have any say in  is my own actions. Change will not happen collectively. It happens on an individuals level. My level.

I can do.

I must do.

And I must show those who ask how to do. Not those I think need it, not those I want to need it, those whom ask my help. As frustrating and infuriating and annoying as all of it is, I must do me alone.

Dammit.

Pray. Give my will over. Accept. Do action. And keep doing these things. Until someone asks.

About theredsoxsavedmylife

Just another drunk. Not drinkin'. Thanks to 12 simple steps and The Red Sox.

4 responses »

  1. Popadopolis says:

    Love it! I am New Englander and trust me, we know sarcasm! I think I must be the biggest prick i know. You spoke to things I need to hear and I have been guilty of so many times! I am stuck here in Virginia with a bunch of non-driving morons… Loved the sign!

    Thanks for sharing! I will sit today and not feel the need to insert my “wisdom” into some else’s life, today….

  2. Dag says:

    “Change will not happen collectively. It happens on an individuals level.” So true. Real change has to start from within. And if you lead, others will follow. Thanks!

  3. This is awesome! I’m glad to have found you via Popa. I like what I see so far!

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