And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

Pg. 84 & 85 Alcoholics Anonymous

 

Apparently I walked into a room full of people whom have never read this part of our literature this afternoon, or had just skipped the tenth step altogether.

There are words I do not tolerate in the rooms. Terms such as “Just don’t drink” “Don’t drink between meetings” “Meeting makers make it”

When these terms are uttered out of desperation or a desire to sound intelligent or practiced in this program, I literally have got to leave. It’s what works for me right now. Because if I do open my mouth to try and inform someone (spiritually) that they may be not telling the truth, I will not pull it off the way I want. I want to be spiritual and calm and understanding and accepting and humble… but I want to punch them in the face more than that. And I must take my leave.

I find it offensive and in bad taste for a group of people who are supposed to be representing our fellowship to tell newcomers about something called “triggers”. Why would someone want to get sober, go through all of this difficult, grueling, tiring, embarrassing, sad bullshit (the steps) just to find out that the desire to drink can POP UP at any given time, whenever we listen to certain music or see a certain person or visit a certain place?

Certainly not an alcoholic. And I take it personally that an entire collection of people who are supposed to be sharing hope and a solution with newb jobs take it upon themselves to let the newcomer in on this lie that we are plagued by triggers for the rest of our lives.

What the fuck is a trigger? Life is going good, I’m walking down the street and all of a sudden I spot a hornet flying by and I’m paralyzed with the urge to drink because it reminds me of Mickey’s FINE MALT LIQUOR??? Well. I shall do my very best to stay in my house. Forever. And not watch TV… or listen to music… or talk to any person… ever again.

Fuck that.

That doesn’t happen. We do the steps the best we can, leaving out nothing, we carry the message the best we can, as often as we can, we help others, we make it our lifestyle, and we don’t want to drink anymore. Truthfully.  When a newcomer comes into a meeting I am chairing, the tenth step promises are what I read, and I share the miracle of the fact that I don’t want to drink anymore. I go through life, bad things happen, I have great friends and a wonderful fool-proof set of principles that help keep my head out of my ass and I don’t want to drink through it.

If you have triggers… maybe it’s time to find another sponsor who knows what they are doing and you need to do this work again and achieve a psychic change. Alcohol won’t bother you anymore no matter what—If you are doing the things you are supposed to be doing. If it bothers you when you see a certain commercial or hear a song and all you can think upon that moment is, “Wow, I suddenly want to drink!”  something is wrong! There are no triggers, stop telling people there are, you are scaring new people and are misrepresenting this program. It is your responsibility to take care of your OWN “triggers” and keep it out of these rooms, there’s enough psycho-babble-bullshit going on in there as it is, we don’t need you talking about shit like that. Come on. Sorry. I’ll walk out now.

73423_567560476588974_1925384_n

Advertisements

About theredsoxsavedmylife

Just another drunk. Not drinkin'. Thanks to 12 simple steps and The Red Sox.

5 responses »

  1. Lydia says:

    You are tough! When the topic of triggers comes up in a meeting I’m at, I talk about 10th step inventory stuff and things that trigger me to act in ways I’d rather not act. Maybe the topic of triggers is a trigger for you!

    • Good point, and perhaps I should clarify. I am referring to a trigger of the alcoholic obsession, the urge to drink suddenly out of no where. I do have triggers for behavior, and you make a great point here, I’m glad you commented. If I am not in check at every second of the day, doing all I can to maintain and grow spiritually and help another person, things like this will “trigger” certain behaviors and reactions, sometimes which I feel as if I have no control over. I was so on edge yesterday at this meeting, idiocy and ignorance and complacency and misunderstanding on both parts “triggered” my irritability and inability to accept and not judge. (expectations) I judged. Hard. And I kept my mouth shut, because today, and thankfully, yesterday, I am spiritual enough to know when I cannot be spiritual. So I left. And I blogged about it. 🙂 But I do totally get you here I think, it’s not about the drink, it’s about our expectations and reactions. And I wouldn’t say anything about tough or a hard-ass or insane, perhaps I am a little ego-driven, and mask it as big-book-thumping, but I work on it every chance I get, and thanks to the rooms, it’s frequent 🙂 I unfortunately have expectations in every aspect of my life, it’s my nature, but it’s when I abuse or exasperate my god-given instinct that it becomes a problem. When I get in the way of God. Which I do every day. Anyway, thanks for the comment and taking the time to read what I’ve written, I appreciate it 🙂

  2. Did you hack into my “drafts” file on my WordPress folders??? Because you pretty much wrote what I was planning to write about…up to and including the 10th step promises (which, by the way, I think are the ones that should be read in the preamble…not the 9th step promises). I too can’t imagine a song popping on and all of a sudden the idea of buying scotch happens. The big book doesn’t have the word “trigger” in it, and yet, the word is prevalent everywhere – meetings, treatment centers, blogs, recovery forums, etc. I don’t have triggers. I don’t believe in them. Either you have the mental obsession or you don’t. I can walk into a liquor store today and be fine. I couldn’t say that 2 months into my recovery. I have associations, yes, but there is nothing that gets me to that strange mental blank spot other than untreated alcoholism.

    Anyway, fully agree – can’t say much more than you posted…awesome.

    Great post!

    Paul

    • Ha! Yes. So glad you have had the intended experience. This actually happened in real life, and while it was happening, as these people were discussing their “triggers”, I was enveloped with a sense of grief. Pity and sadness, along with total frustration. These were people I’ve known for years, with 20, 25+ years in the rooms. Talking about wanting to drink upon feeling angry, watching baseball, visiting family. Someone even brought up HALT, and at that point, I wanted to scream. I prayed for God to guide my words, my thoughts and my actions, and I was gunna rip these people apart! But a miracle happened, and I didn’t. I listened, and I prayed for them. And my exact thought was, yes I do have a trigger. One. It is untreated alcoholism. And as bad as I wanted to share, I knew this wasn’t the meeting. Maybe I should have spoken up, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do it spiritually. Megh. Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting. Maybe you should post some of those drafts too.

      • HALT? Oh dear…lol. I used to get really upset with the whole HALT thing. Never used it once in my early recovery. I felt it was a little out of left field to think that I would chug a bottle of vodka simply because I skipped my McMuffin in the morning, or that I missed my nap. The Angry part…well, resentments are the number one killer as the Big Book says. Regardless, the HALT thing is dangerous in that some may use that instead of the steps, or as shorthand to them. “I guess as long as I had lunch, slept last night, didn’t get pissed off at the bus driver and talked to my girlfriend at work, I am ok for today. Never mind my inventory….”

        Anyway, it is what it is…and if that is all people know, that is what they know. We can always pull them aside later and tell them our version of things 😉

        Yeah, maybe I’ll pull up a draft and polish her up…lol

        Glad I found this blog – love it!

        Paul

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s